Have you ever fantasized about checking into a hotel alone for a night? Just laying in a big fluffy bed with room service, no one needing you for anything. Making decisions only for yourself, or not at all. Watching trash tv or rom coms and just drinking wine straight out of the bottle? Maybe a bubble bath if you are feeling really adventurous?
Have you ever cried face down in your bed because you are so depleted of you?
Motherhood is hard. Life is hard. Now combine the two, while not letting the hardness of life show while you Mommy.
I don’t mean for this to be a pity party. I am sitting here writing this only because in the midst of a meltdown, both my kids and myself, I don’t think I am alone in this. I feel like many of you know the place that I am in. It doesn’t come from lack of love or appreciation for my kids or life, it just comes from continuously giving away my strength and heart, all that I have, so that there isn’t much left over for me.
It’s almost like an out of body experience where I am looking down on myself crying in bed knowing all the things I need to do better, telling myself that I need to be a bit more selfish, that I need to breathe, that It’s OK to want to be alone sometimes. That it doesn’t make me a bad mom, wife, friend etc to want to check out for a moment. That it’s not a burden on others to tell them how I am feeling.
I need to be the vase that Rachel Hollis talks about. The one that stands tall while being filled up so that the overflow can fill the cups of my loved ones. Not the vase that tips itself over to fill others up and ends up shattering because of it.
Too often I just say “I’m fine” and bury it deep down. This is the raw honesty coming out and I hope I listen to myself. We all need a Mommy time out every once in a while.
Because it’s true, and makes me laugh through the tears : “Bad Moms” Movie Clip