For decades, we have been talking about “surviving” divorce. But our culture has changed, and today, many couples are raising children from two separate addresses both due to divorce and the trend of couples having children outside of wedlock. Women everywhere are choosing not to merely “survive” but to make the transition to two households in the most positive and life affirming way possible. Sound impossible? It isn’t.
When a couple separates, the marriage or relationship was broken. At least one member of the relationship was not getting her needs met. I say her, because the vast majority of divorces are filed by women and I speak to women every day who are dissatisfied with the status quo and are increasingly comfortable going into the uncharted territory of co-parenting from two separate households. Many of these women want more from their relationship and their life than they are getting within their marriage. They want their children to see a loving, healthy and happy relationship and a happy mom.
Do not get me wrong, there is sadness, guilt, anger, and regret, but there is also hope. Going through a divorce is a massive life changing event. It is a bigger transition than heading off to college or starting your career. It is most similar to transitioning to becoming a parent. The thing is, you have nine months and a million baby books to prepare you to become a parent. You have doctors’ visits, support groups, and step by step guidance as to what is happening and how you should prepare.
Divorce is different. You don’t always have nine months to plan. Sometimes, you have no time to plan. You didn’t ask for this or you didn’t ask for the cataclysmic event that lead to your decision to get out now. There are a few things you should do before you move out to anticipate problems, prevent disaster, and transition as peacefully as possible.
- Gather all of the financial data and documents you need now!-Health insurance coverage- if you need help/new coverage contact:
-Your estate planning documents- for help contact
-24 months of credit card statements or at the very least a list of every outstanding card including department store cards
-24 months of all bank account statements
-All the retirement account documents you can get your hands on
-Life insurance policies
-Passports
-Social security cards
-Your children’s college fund accounts (529 accounts) - Change your passwords
It is astronomical how many passwords and usernames exist for the multitude of accounts we have online. Your ex will largely be able to track your life as long as they have the password to your accounts. Most of us use the same passwords for a large portion of accounts, so you will need to change all of them. Choose something completely different from your pattern up to this point. Pick the make and model of a vehicle, line in a random song, or a small town you want to visit coupled with the state or something. Go random and long. This is a list of places you may not have thought about for you to change your password.-Email Accounts
-Bank and Credit Card Accounts
-Social Media Accounts
-Online Shopping - Finding a place to live on short notice is tough. Top tips and considerations below:
-When you need something now, your first consideration should be making sure there is enough space for you and your kids to be comfortable.
-Downsize if you can.
-Another tip in choosing a home/apartment/condo, private landlords tend to be more flexible with things like deposits. Apartment complexes DO NOT tend to be flexible.
-Another issue when choosing a place to live is location!
-Get the right legal advice!
No, this won’t be easy, but you will be okay. Your days will be better and there is more growth in trials than you will ever have when times are easy.
