Navigating motherhood and marriage can be tough. As moms, sometimes we just wing it and hope that everyone is still alive at the end of the day. If they are, we call that a success and get up the next day just to do it all over again. It’s easy to fall into the routine rut where it seems as though we are just moving through the motions, hanging on by a thin thread. I know this because I have been there. I have been too tired to keep my eyes open at the end of the day to ask my husband how his day was and to check in to see how HE was doing.
Sometimes your marriage gets put on the back burner because you’re so busy trying to keep up with work, demanding little ones, soccer practice, school drop off, or all of the above. So let me just say this: y’all, keeping the spark alive in your marriage/relationship is hard, especially when you have little ones! Am I right? So what are some ways that you can keep the romance alive in your marriage?
Here are my top 5 suggestions for keeping that spark alive and for making your spouse feel wanted and loved each and every day:
- Schedule Regular Date Nights – My husband and I have regular dates every Sunday. We have a babysitter on Sundays from 1-6, sometimes later, so that we can have time together to go do something fun. Our kids know the routine on Sundays and they know to expect a babysitter. It is something we have been doing for the last several months and we rarely miss. When we go out, we also choose to do something fun.
We seldom go to movies or do something where we can’t talk and interact with each other. The goal for our dates is to just enjoy each other’s company and laugh. Laughter is key! So make sure to pencil those date nights into your calendar as often as you can, and try to have them regularly.
- Be Affectionate With One Another As Often As You Can – One of the things that I look forward to at the end of a long day is curling up on our oversize couch snuggled up next to my husband. I cannot say enough about the power of physical touch. We hold hands when we watch TV… sometimes it’s kids shows at the end of the day, and sometimes if we’re lucky, we get to watch an actual adult movie. Either way, I’m happy to hold my husband’s hand and lay my head on his shoulder, because when I do that, the stress of the outside world melts away and we both remember just how much we love one another. Affection goes a long way ladies!
- Have Sex Often – Yes, I said it! I know… I know… as moms, sometimes we’re just exhausted… BUT, the more often you have sex with your spouse, the more you will WANT to have sex with him or her. Get used to having sex often and I promise you that you will feel more connected to and appreciated by your spouse. And when you feel wanted and desired by your spouse, you are more likely to show your spouse how much you want him/her in return. Don’t look at sex like a chore you have to do at the end of the day, enjoy it and remember how lucky you are that you GET to have sex with the person you are madly in love with.
- Ask Your Spouse About His/Her Day – One of the things we practice in our home every night is the “High/Low” principle: We ask each other and our kids what was the “high” of the day, meaning the best part of the day, and what was the “low” of the day, meaning something that didn’t quite happen as planned. This allows us to talk about our days and really connect with one another about what happened when we weren’t together. Sometimes, this also helps us brainstorm ideas on how to improve something that may have caused the “low” of the day. This is also an easy way to show your spouse you’re engaged in the conversation and that you want to hear about how his or her day went. Actually listening to how his/her day was shows your spouse that you’re present in the moment and care about what is going on with work, family, school, etc.
- Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff – laugh as often as you can! I am a planner; I plan my days out with my kids and my work and I like the structure of routine. However, sometimes, things fall apart and your so called “plan” for the day turns to crap. When that happens, you have to just roll with it and grab your spouse’s hand and laugh. Laugh at the fact that maybe your kid threw up on you today and you haven’t had the chance to shower or comb your hair and it is now 5 pm. Laugh at the things your kids do that are silly and maybe a little annoying at the same time. Laugh at those meltdowns. Grab your spouse and kiss him/her and tell them how much you appreciate them. Even if your child is throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of Target. Always remember to laugh; it is so important in keeping that spark and the fun alive in your marriage.
So there you have it, mamas. My top 5 ways to keep the romance alive in your own marriages and relationships. I will close with this: I love my husband more than anything; he is my favorite person in this ENTIRE world. However, that being said, sometimes I don’t like him. And that’s ok. What I ask myself during times when I don’t is, “Will this matter in 5 years?” Whatever we are bickering about, will it matter? The answer is always a hard no. Then I think about my favorite things about the man that I chose to spend the rest of my life with and those butterflies I had when we first met come flooding back. And I grab his hand, lay my head on his shoulder, tell him that I love him, and everything else just fades away.