Social insecurities, you’re the worst
I would not consider myself as a quiet shy person. I don’t think anyone else that knows me would say I am either. When I’m out, I’m okay with being in the spotlight, though i’m not intentionally seeking it, sometimes it just happens. But, after getting home from social events, I often think back about how the time went, and unfortunately, my thinking doesn’t always go straight to the positive.
Why do I talk so much?! What was a thinking sharing that story?! Why can’t I be more quiet?! Everyone probably thinks I’m annoying and loud.
Yes, even the most positive happy looking people have days of negativity and self doubt. It’s hard for me to even write about this because it’s just not something I talk about. The fear of feeling different, not wanting anyone to tiptoe around me, or feel they need to act differently around me because they now know that yes, even happy go lucky Erica, sometimes, can’t even handle being her self in certain situations.
It’s so confusing, when in the moment you are feeling great and you want to be social, you want that interaction, then you get home you doubt and analyze everything! I’m human and flawed, but I’m sure no one is thinking I’m as obnoxious as I think I am.
I love people. I love our differences and stories and I want everyone to know how amazing and special they are, but often I can’t even see those things in myself. I can easily take what makes me special and twist it.
I know I have my quarks and weirdness, but that’s me. Even in moments of social insecurities, “…there’s no one I’d rather be than me.”
Moral of this story is that if you’ve ever felt this way, know that you are not alone, I understand what you feel, I know what you are going through and you’re not crazy.