When You Are Not The Preferred Parent

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As I held my sweet little boy in my arms those first couple of hours I feel head over heels in love with this baby.  After months of breastfeeding and sleepless nights I just thought this little boy NEEDS his mamma. Right!?!? Especially when it is your first child! That was until he was around 10 months of age when he got sick and only wanted his dad. I’m not going to lie, at first I was a little relieved and headed back to bed to get some sleep while my husband took the night shift. That was until this kept happening over and over and over. Now it is not just when he gets sick, but a daily occurrence.

When You Aren't The Preferred Parent

Just to give you a little background on me, I am not the most emotional person out there. I don’t cry at movies or nor did I on my wedding day. Most days I can think logically and realize that this is ok and it allows me some time to get chores done, sleep through the night, go to the bathroom in private, or get dinner on the table. Those other days are a little more difficult when you start to feel: rejected, insufficient, pushed away, and unwanted. Deep down I know that this little man loves his mom, but I’m not going to sit around and pretend that it doesn’t bother me that I’m not the one that is preferred.

So what have I done to help combat these feelings?

  1. Know that most behaviors with kids are just stages…so I’m hoping he’ll grow out of it soon! (for selfish reasons)
  2. Be thankful that he has a dad that is loving and will take the opportunity to bond with him and cuddle as needed
  3. Reach out to women that are just a few steps ahead, to be reassured that this IS a stage and to embrace the short time to relax and get some sleep
  4. Realize that he does still need his mamma, maybe just in different ways like washing his hands after a messy art project, dancing around the house, or reading a book using silly voices
  5. Stay in the moment and use what I tell my patients is your “wise mind” and to not over analyze the moment or behavior

 

I continue to struggle at time with the negative thinking…but I am grateful for the moments that it’s just the two of us and he will let me hold him just a little longer to get that extra snuggle.

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