I remember the first time I brought my babies home, I was so overwhelmed. One newborn is hard enough, but I have two. Two babies that constantly need my attention, two babies to pack around with me, and two babies that are relying on me to survive. My greatest fear was forgetting about one of them. Accidentally leaving one at home, or in the shopping cart, whatever the case may be. I was only used to making sure I had one child, this was a whole new ball game for me.
Every day I ingrained in my brain, don’t forget there are two of them, constantly doing counts and making sure I had not only my two babies, but my older two kids as well. I never went anywhere without both babies, because they are a packaged deal right? Then my daughter (twin B) got RSV and pneumonia, and she was admitted to Phoenix’s Children’s hospital. That was weird. Our babies had to be separated for the first time (other than when they were born-that’s another story). It almost felt wrong, like I should bring my baby boy with me, not to mention it was hard to balance being at the hospital with one, and making time to see the other. But that was the beginning for me, of realizing they may be twins but they are still two separate people.
I have four kids. A 7 year old, a 5 year old, and my 1 year old twins. Before I had the babies, and even after, it was typical for me to go somewhere with just one of the older kids. Girl’s trips, sporting events, even simple trips to the grocery store. So why was it so weird for me to separate my twins. Why did I feel so guilty for leaving one behind, and not to mention I was afraid what would people say. I always felt like people would judge me, and some did, a few felt comfortable enough to tell me to my face. “Oh she likes that twin better, because she left the other at home.” “Make sure you aren’t always spending time with the same twin, you don’t want to make the other one feel left out.” Let me tell you, mom shaming is just as bad in the world of twins. And I was already beating myself up enough with guilt on whether I was giving of myself equally to both of them.
In the past year and a half, more and more instances have presented themselves and we have began splitting the twins up more and more. For example if one gets sick, we don’t take them both in for a sick appointment. When the boys go to their sporting events, they include the boy twin, while my girl twin stays home for our girls nights. I feel less and less guilty about splitting them up, because they are two separate people. I think they enjoy the one on one time too, they will spend a lot of their lives having to share, the least we can do give them some one on one time and their own identity. I know I have a lot to learn about balancing their twin life as an identity and their individual identities, all I know is, I am going to continue to try the best to find the balance.
