This is to all the women who are struggling everyday with trying to conceive. This is to those who check their basal body temperature every morning. Who keep a secret stash of pregnancy tests and an even more secret stash of negative result tests. Who pee on an ovulation test first thing in the morning in hopes to see a smiley face or a double line. To those who download every fertility app you can and read every article about conceiving. Who have seen a doctor more times then they can count.
To the woman who have “line eyes” and questions if her test is showing positive and if there is a second line. To those women who swallow extra vitamins or prescriptions to increase your chances. To the ladies who inject a needle in themselves. To those who have gone through painful procedures. To you, who hides behind a smile when people ask when will they be having a baby. To those you kindly nod and accept unwanted fertility advice. To the women who shed tears for fear it may never happen. To those that feel lonely because you aren’t sure anyone can relate or understand your journey. To you, who pray and hope everyday for a baby and to be a mom.
I want you to know, you are not alone. There are so many other women who are and have gone through what are you experiencing. It is so easy to feel lonely on this hard journey and finding others who can relate. But trust me we are here thinking and feeling the same way you are. We have the same silly questions and doubts. We all over analyze every little possible pregnancy symptom and have googled more times than proud “could I be pregnant”. I am here to remind you, you have an army of others standing with you, who have walked or currently walking the same road.
Don’t shy away from your feelings. I know it is a roller coaster of emotions. But talk about them, share them, embrace them. I first hand know how easy it is to sweep your feelings under the rug and put on that brave face. But, sometimes it helps to be vulnerable and allow yourself to feel. Talking about it can also can help those going through it too.
Please be patient with yourself, your partner, and your body. With time and persistence your body will give you the miracle you are hoping for. Stress has a strange way of affecting our bodies, so give yourself the grace you need. Your partner, can’t read your mind, as much as you wish they could. Communicate with your significant other. They can’t support you in the way you need, if you don’t let them know how to. Remember they are going through this too. They may be feeling just as scared as you are but don’t want to admit it, so show them the love they need.
There is no need to feel ashamed. I know how hard you can be on yourself and question why your body won’t give you what you want most. This is a part of your journey and your beautiful story to tell. Instead feel empowered, you will after you see those real two double lines on your pregnancy test. After getting my big fat positive, I felt like I could conquer anything.
From one fellow, TTCer to another, it is all worth it. Every single tear, heartache, and money you will spend, it is all worth it. I can confidently say, I would do it all over again because everything my husband and I went through brought me my sweet baby girl. I am proud of my hard journey and I want you to know you should be too.
Don’t loose hope. You are brave, strong and courageous for continuing to be hopeful and persistent each month. I know how hard it is each month to stay positive, but I know you can. You will thank yourself one day when you are holding your beautiful baby that you never gave up.