Recently our family made the long 15 hour drive from AZ to Dallas, TX for the holidays. Aside from the always “entertaining” needs of my children, Preston and I wanted to find fun things for us to fill the hours along the way. After exhausting the book on tape we brought, stand up comedy radio and the endless game of eye spy with our 4 year old (I mean how much can you really see on a highway in New Mexico) I threw out the idea of taking the Enneagram personality test and surprisingly he took the bait. I pulled a simple multi choice test up on my phone and it ended up being one of the most enlightening things we have done and quite frankly felt like a mini-marital-therapy session in the car.
I know that right now you can think of at least a handful of personality traits that bug you about your partner. Not deal breakers, but just things that irk you or that you wish they did differently. I promise they can find some about you as well! It’s easy to look at these traits through your own tinted glasses and judge, but once those glasses are removed and you see them through their Enneatype, a whole new understanding happens.
The test itself only look about 10 minutes a piece and even the act of going through each question while the other answered was interesting, getting to see how they view themselves vs the way you would probably answer for them. There were definitely times when I would smirk at his answer and give my two cents as to what the “real” answer should be. It felt almost like the 20 questions you drill someone with on a first date. My husband and I have been together for over 13 years and this exercise allowed us to learn new things about each other.
You can take the test that we took here: Enneagram Test
The very basic breakdown of the 9 Enneatypes are as follows (according to eclecticenergies.com)
Type 1 “The Reformer” – Perfectionist, responsible, fixated on improvement
Type 2 “The Helper” – Helpers who need to be needed
Type 3 “The Achiever” – Focused on the presentation of success. to attain validation
Type 4 “The Individualist” – Identity seekers who feel unique and different
Type 5 “The Investigator” – Thinkers who withdraw and observe
Type 6 “The Loyalist” – Conflicted between trust and distrust
Type 7 “The Enthusiast” – Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of a distraction
Type 8 “The Challenger” – Taking charge because they don’t want to be controlled
Type 9 “The Peacemaker” – Keeping Peace and Harmony
Two things that I personally learned from this test were:
1) I am not alone in my intense fear-based decision making (I am a major Type 6). This was a relief because sometimes I wondered. I approach all things with a cat-like distrust and assumption of danger. This has come up before as a pet peeve of my husband’s but now I can point to this and say “See! I’m not crazy!” It also shows me that although this may be my natural reaction, I can recognize it as just that and choose to look at things differently. Knowledge is power.
2) My husband’s tendency to withdraw and his longing to be anti-social is not just an annoying phase I need to pull him out of. It’s part of his personality that is ingrained in him and something I need to acknowledge and deal with in a more compassionate way (He is definitely a Type 5).
Now that we know each other’s number, it has opened up communication lines between us like never before. Instead of a snarky comment or eye roll before, phrases like “You are being such a 5 right now” or “That’s the 6 in you, try to take it down a notch” are often said in our household these days with a chuckle and a “touche” from the other.
As far as understanding your children better, the Enneagram test can give you insight as to why your son likes to make sure he has the exact same number of raspberries on his plate as his sister (Type 1) or why it’s so important to your daughter that she picks out her own outfits every day, even if they don’t match (Type 4). There are healthy and unhealthy traits in each number and if you can identify where your child falls in the Enneagram, you can help them foster their strengths and shift them away from the negative early on. Using it as another tool in your parental toolbox.
Our kids are too young to take the test themselves, but armed with the knowledge of each type, we can start to see different traits emerge and are placing bets on what number they will turn out to be.
Check out this City Moms Blog podcast talking all about the Enneagram for more: Just Add Sprinkles
