The Marketable Mommy – will I make the cut when I return to work?

7

stay-at-home-mom

Recently I was approached by a company I used to work for “PM” (Pre-Mommyhood) and asked if I’d like a high end position again, similar to the one I left. Tempting? Absolutely. And extremely flattering. But, although I turned them down, as I am enjoying being a stay at home mom way too much for now, it did get me to thinking: How will it be when I make my return to the career world in about two years?

I always said that once my little guy entered kindergarten and my oldest was happily into her elementary years, I would re-enter my former life as a writer/advertising executive/event planner, somehow.  I figured this would just naturally transition on its own (boy, was I naive) after 10+ years away from corporate America. With the due date for this return growing nearer and nearer, I suddenly find myself wondering how an interview for my future job will go.

  1. I will have to have some requirements when beginning a new job one day — for example, it will have to fall within a five mile radius of the happiest place on earth…no…not Disneyland; KOHLS! This is a non negotiable deal breaker, that Kohls cash isn’t going to use itself.
  2. I will need five minutes for lunch…wait…in the workplace you get an hour break for a meal? Ridiculous nonsense, what would I do with all that extra time?  I can eat like my life depends on it, clean up, feed my kiddos and create world peace in a half hour tops.
  3. I will need to have someone, anyone, teach me how to use a Smartphone. No clue how, and no interest in learning, but I assume you need one in the workplace since it is 2014 and all, no?
  4. I will need to have a cubicle next to anyone in the office who likes Disney movies. This is essential since I, unknowingly, spend half of my day humming the FROZEN soundtrack. Whoever sits by me will need to LET IT GO, LET IT GO.
  5. I will need to show off pictures of my kids to everyone who passes me by, there will be zero tolerance for someone who does not give me this right.
  6. Lastly, but certainly not least, I will need to keep my desk area obsessively clean and organized. Don’t think of messing with my system, you will lose.

Unreasonable you say? Well, don’t worry, being a stay at home mom has taught me some invaluable skills you may appreciate, corporate world.

  1. I have multitasking skills worthy of an Oscar. Literally, I can brush hair, brush teeth, make lunches and get someone potty trained in the time it takes most people to drink a cup of coffee.
  2. I can negotiate well enough to stop a war, and by war, I mean huge fight between two kids who both want the tv tuned to their station and the same toy at the same time. Talk about combat.
  3. I am an expert in potty mouth prevention — no HR write ups here.
  4. I will make sure your tummy is full at meetings, with an endless supply of juice boxes, pretzels and fruit snacks to go around.
  5. I will be able to maintain professionalism over the phone, no matter who is talking in the background on my end, with nothing more than angry eyes and hand gestures.
  6. And most importantly, I am a lean, mean, cooking machine. I will OWN the lunch potlucks.

Let’s face it, us stay at home moms are a catch. Sure, we have been out of the workplace for years, but we have been busy acquiring life skills that have taught us unparallelled patience, strength, kindness and organization.  We will be an asset to a company again, we really haven’t forgotten how. After all, we’ve played CEO of our households for the last decade, how hard can it be?

7 COMMENTS

  1. I don’t know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering issues with your site.

    It looks like some of the text within your content are running off
    the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let
    me know if this is happening to them too? This could be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen before.
    Cheers

  2. hello!,I really lime your writing so much! proportion we
    keep up a correspondence extra about your article on AOL?
    I require a specialist iin this house to resolve my problem.
    Maybe that’s you! Taking a llok ahead to peer you.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here