National Sibling’s Day is in April and it’s important to acknowledge siblings and the roles they play in our lives. Most of us have childhood horror stories that involve a sibling, most of us have stories that make us still laugh til we can’t breathe even decades later and some of us have stories that we hold so dear we only share with siblings. Siblings are often our first friends and if we are lucky enough, they can be our last.
Siblings are a gift not everyone has and are most likely often taken for granted. We wonder how people can be raised by the same parents and have similar DNA, yet be so different. We give each other a hard time about choices we make, but support those decisions ultimately because our love for each other isn’t conditional.
I know for me being a sister to twins was a unique spot to grow. Also, 6 years younger I was too annoying to even be allowed in their awesome vicinity. To make matters even more unique my brother has cerebral palsy that has severely affected his speech and physically, but not cognitively and that boy will fight for every right he deserves and even ones he doesn’t. He is stubborn, hardheaded and would chase us around with his wheelchair totally prepared to shin us if we didn’t get him what he wanted. My sister would bravely take a shinner if it meant she won the battle. I, on the other hand, gave him whatever he wanted because I don’t like pain. Nor conflict. In fact, I still blame the two of them for my deep-rooted issues with my ability to handle conflict as an adult. But I love them both with all my heart and no one can replace what they mean to me. They are intricate parts of me becoming me. They are my brother and my sister. God love them.
Now as a mom myself raising a large group of siblings I have such a different perspective for what it means to be a sibling. I, too, am also now raising kids with as a unique childhood as my own with them growing up with a special need’s sibling. Our oldest, Lily, was born with a rare genetic disorder and we bravely (or naively) chose to continue to build our family. We have 5 children thanks to biology and adoption and every one of them by the age of three can identify and notify me of Lily having a seizure. I imagine this may sound shocking and could be traumatic, but in our home, it’s a Tuesday. It sucks, it’s hard and they witness heavy stuff and I am sorry that is the road we walk, but I am also kind of sorry not sorry because living a unique life with special needs siblings changes kids’ perspectives. It teaches compassion for others in ways you could never teach. It teaches humor is survival and can soften a lot of blows. It teaches kids to be adaptive and to learn compromise. Sadly, it teaches them to handle disappointment, too. One of the hardest things for me as a mom is to miss events because we are doing medical treatments. It’s hard. The kids get it and it makes us all sad, but their ability to handle it amazes me.
The last trait that I recently witnessed that filled me with joy and heartbreak was loyalty. One day on a mall trip a store was too small and crowded for a wheelchair, so our son, 10 at the time, sat outside with Lily. I was watching from the line him touching her and sitting closer to her and that wasn’t typical behavior for him. So unusual in fact I snapped a photo. When we came out of the store, I noticed him wipe a tear and I realized he was crying, I asked why and he told me Lily was making her loud happy noises and a woman looked hard and muttered unkindly. He was so angry, yet his reaction was to cling to her. Seeing him choose to comfort her when faced with adversity showed me his loyalty to his sister is fierce.
Our kids face adult issues at a young age. And believe me, I often wonder what all they’ll say about me from their therapists’ couch, but maybe it won’t be all bad. I hope. I am a proud mom of a sibling set of 5 that will grow up with a unique perspective on life, they all have a special bond with each other that can only be made by being family and I am proud to see what they will all become.
