Mental Load

Behind the scenes, something unseen, just as exhausting as a physical job…the mental load. Otherwise known as the continuous, never ending list of “to-do’s” and responsibilities and thoughts that run through our heads. As much as I feel like the weight of our everyday jobs can bring us down, so does this “invisible workload”.

I’ve always imagined it as one of those older-time Apple computers – back in the days when computers needed to be updated or when they were turned on after being shut off – the screens of continuous codes and dialog. A lot of times when I’m awake with insomnia is when these “mental load downloads” take place. I’ll be trying to remember if there’s money in the school lunch account. I’ll be wondering if I remembered to put “xyz” in Joe’s backpack. Did I cancel the dentist appointment? Did I write down milk on the grocery list? Did I give the dog her nightly medicine? Where is it that Nancy is going on vacation again? All these thoughts just race through my head, enough stimulation to keep me awake for hours.  The thought of it makes me yawn. 

I’ve tried the “write it down” approach – you know where you list the “to do’s” and reminders so that you don’t lie awake staring at the ceiling. 

In the midst of breaks from school especially, or also in my case with a child not old enough to be in school, is the large mental load of “what are our plans today?” Every.Day. The older kids look at me to be their daily Entertainment Captain. Not to say that they don’t entertain themselves, but usually we find time out of the house more fun, it makes the day go by faster and it helps my sanity to see different views (not that all experiences out are pleasant). Being the master planner gets to be exhausting. 

We live in such a state that makes us feel like we are working all the time, multi-tasking all of the time, maybe feeling like we can’t keep up all of the time! That we need to be able to do everything. Be everything. With higher expectations of parents and jobs these days, it’s no wonder our “mental load” is never ending and all consuming. 

You know what I would like to initiate? A mental break. Maybe where others take turns planning and cooking dinner, others share responsibilities, etc. I bet even small changes could add up to huge differences.  The other thing I could work on – also saying the word “no”. No to planning this event, no to attending this event that would fill my insomnia filled nights with dread. 

We’re hot wired to be non-stop – vacation days go unused and self care falls to the bottom of our lists. In this day and age, it’s important even more so that those things get reversed. Divvy out responsibilities. Choose self care over spending time on something you would end up dreading. Let go of guilt. Let go of what really isn’t obligation. Taking care of yourself, your mental self, shouldn’t be looked down upon.