A few nights ago, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and a video caught my attention. The 1988 mom vs the 2018 mom featuring the chicks from That’s Inappropriate and Juggling the Jenkins. The video is hilarious, but something did pinch my heart. The 2018 mom is alone with her kids, scrolling through social media, and says: “I need friends”. While the 1988 mom has coffee dates with hers. Yup, I am definitely that 80’s mama. I mean, if it weren’t for my Mama Tribe, I don’t know how I would survive motherhood.
“Throw me a buoy!”
Once I became a mother, little did I know that I would need the support system I have now. Basically, I didn’t have the foggiest idea of what being a mother was. I slowly secluded myself, at home, with my child, going to a few classes with him but not really connecting to anyone. Looking back, I think I was lost in that deep sea of doubt and self doubt. And thank God, someone threw me a buoy with a simple “Hey, have you ever been to this class? I’m going, why don’t we check it out together?”.
From then on, I was a different person. Human connection is so important. To me at least. I did get into a few moms groups on Facebook to share on parenting but something was missing.
As time went by, our party of 3 moms and 3 boys grew. Our happy little bunch spends several days a week together. Whether it’s a coffee play date, a museum, park or splash pad, we involve each other in our activities, so that our kids can develop socially, of course, but we, Mamas, need each other. We need each other to get advice, give advice, to keep each other in check, to tell each other that it will all be OK. We rely on each other. We have each other’s backs. And thank goodness we can laugh off some of the hard stuff.
Mommy time out
And besides mommin’, we have implemented the Ladies day or night out. Every few weeks, Daddies get one on one quality time with their little guy or gal and we get together, no longer as moms, but as women. The one rule is we do not talk about our children. On our mom outings, we talk enough about those little creatures, their behaviors, what is he/she eating, the skills yet to develop. Enough. Once in a while, we give ourselves that break, grab drinks and food and actually discover things about each other, not as mothers, but as women. And it feels so good. When we go back to our own tribe, we feel energized, renewed, balanced.
When I am asked what is the best piece of advice you would give to a new parent, I say connect to other, like-minded parents. Surround yourself with your tribe. Not everyone is suitable for your tribe. Like in any friendship you develop, you will connect better to some people than to others. And I believe that when your children are involved, you want to connect to parents who have similar ideas in parenting because your kids will connect also to those moms.
So, Mamas when you see another Mama struggling, please throw her that buoy. And struggling Mama, please catch it. The best thing that can happen is your life being uplifted. You will make new friends, share laughs, giggles, frustrations, drinks and much needed coffees. And most importantly, you will make memories together.
