My daughter will be 2 in December, which means we are in a whole new phase of parenting compared to where we were even just a year ago. The days of her learning to eat solid food and walk have been replaced with her big feelings and expressing her preferences. Laying her on a blanket surrounded by a few toys no longer holds her attention the way it once did. Things have changed! And I know I will blink and be in an entirely new parenting season, but I hope to take with me the lessons I’m learning from my toddler right now.
Embrace the mess.
Somewhere around month 2 or 3 of quarantine, when we were losing a nap and therefore needing more activities to fill our day (indoor activities, because temperatures were climbing), I found myself walking the aisles of Target buying anything that might keep my toddler entertained. My cart was filled with books, coloring books, water toys, and PlayDoh. I wasn’t sure how PlayDoh would go with a one-and-a-half-year-old, but figured I’d give it a go.
I bought 4 different colors, and initially I really tried to keep it that way. I’d keep each color separate, and immediately put it away when we got to the licking phase. After a few months went by, I decided to just let my daughter have fun with it. I stopped worrying about keeping the colors separate, and watched as she would break the PlayDoh into little tiny pieces and smash them back together creating new colors. One day, as I was picking the PlayDoh up, I looked at the multi-color creation in my hand and made a mental note to always embrace the mess.
Toddlers are messy. Life is messy. Learning can be messy. Things aren’t always linear and perfectly put together. I hope to always enjoy and encourage my children’s learning and creativity process, even if it is messy.
Empathy goes a long way.
I feel like toddlers get a bad rep for their emotions, but really, don’t we all have big emotions? Maybe as adults we learn how to express ours a little differently, but we also get to enjoy much more autonomy than these little people do.
We were playing outside one day when I decided it was way too hot, and time to go back inside. My daughter was not pleased after I gave her a few warnings that it was time to go inside, and ultimately ended up picking her up to accomplish that transition. The big feelings came out, but instead of viewing them as an inconvenience or simply dismissing them, I tried to put myself in her position. How would I feel if someone picked me up and didn’t give me a choice in the matter?
It doesn’t mean she always gets a say, the reality is her dad and I are the parents and we will set the rules in our home. Even so, I can still have empathy for her and validate her feelings. In that moment, I knelt down to her level and encouraged her that it was okay to feel frustrated. I opened my arms to offer a hug if she wanted one, and sure enough she welcomed my embrace and her tears quickly subsided. In that moment, I made a mental note that empathy and creating space for emotion goes a long way.
One day, my currently cuddly and affectionate toddler will be a teenager. When she is, it may require more patience to extend empathy, a hug might not fix a meltdown, and the messes might be bigger than just PlayDoh. But, I hope to remember these lessons, and add a long list of other ones to my parenting toolbox along the way.
What are some lessons you’ve tucked into your parenting toolbox over the years?
