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I’ll Say it: I’m Jealous of C-sections

I know I’ll get a lot of hate for this one, but I can’t help how I feel. I’ve been jealous of other mom’s c-sections. 

I wouldn’t trade either of my baby’s births for the world, as painful and as hard as they were. Yet, I can’t help but always feel a bit jealous when another mom posts the exact day her baby will be born for her scheduled c-section, usually at 39 weeks. 

If you’ve read some of previous posts, you’ll know that I had gestational diabetes with both my babies. While I was pregnant with our daughter I prepared myself for a c-section, as they told me it often occurs when you have GD. Every ultrasound they would tell me how “huge” and “big” she was, and I got more and more nervous at the idea of pushing a “10-pound baby” out of my body. I started asking myself, at what point do we turn to the c-section?

Her due date came and went… and SEVERAL days later she finally made her way into the world. Labor wasn’t as bad or horrific as I had envisioned. I think we all have those scary nightmares about birth that last month of your first pregnancy. I remember vividly telling my mom about 30 minutes after she was born that “It wasn’t that bad, and I would have another”.

Unfortunately, about 30 minutes after that I had a really scary hemorrhage that was way more painful then birth. I tell you this, because my recovery after our daughter was HORRIBLE;  I was in SO much pain the first 6-8 weeks of her life is a crazy painful blur to me. So when I was pregnant with our son (#2) I had some amount of PTSD. I was so worried about doing that again. Every Doctor appointment I would BEG my doctor for a c-section. 

Now I’m sure those of you who had painful and awful c-sections are sitting there thinking- UHM WHY! Why would you WANT a c-section?

Well first, I’m pretty type-A and fairly organized…I like to plan. So I’ve ALWAYS been jealous when people know the exact day they are having a baby. You mean some people don’t live every day for two weeks thinking- hmm- maybe I’ll have a baby today?

And the second reason is, my first was SO painful and traumatic. I really thought it would “easier” to just have a c-section. If I was going to be in pain for 6-8 weeks anyways, I’d rather the pain be different. 

BUT…

Here is what I’ve learned. It literally does not matter. 

C-section or vaginal. They both can be hard, or “easy” (not really easy, because none are, but easier). They both can have complications. They both can have scary outcomes. Yet, they usually both have pretty amazing wonderful outcomes in the end. 

I sit and tell myself when I start to feel that jealousy creep up- that we are all just so lucky to just be a mom in the end. Who cares what we have to go through to get there? The recovery- it sucks for everyone in different ways. We find our ways of getting through it. We are all just so lucky that we ended the journey with a baby that grows up TOO fast. 

Comparison is the thief of joy. People say it all the time, but it’s easier said then done. 

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