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I don’t know what “self-care” is

I’ve spent a majority of my life worrying and stressing about others. I constantly worry about how others feel or making others happy, and it has been that way for as along as I can remember.

When I had my children, I knew I would worry and stress even more about how they felt, and their happiness. As most moms do. However, I wasn’t prepared to feel totally alone in my worry and stress, and have it consume all of my self-care.I don't know self-care

If you read one of my previous posts, you know that I don’t trust anyone to watch my kids. Which makes it hard to take care of myself or even my relationship.

The amount of guilt and anxiety I feel when I try to do something I WANT to do is so unreal, I end up not going/doing it at all. Which in short means, I’ve completely forgotten what self-care is.

I KNOW that I need to take care of myself, and I KNOW you “can’t fill from an empty glass” really I do. You can continue to tell me all day long that I need to take time for myself to be a better mom.

The point of this is- I don’t know how to anymore, and I don’t even know where to start. I know I can’t be alone in this. I can’t be the only mom who doesn’t know how to leave her kids to do something fun for herself. I can’t be the only one who doesn’t even remember what self-care is. There has to be someone else out there who feels this way too.

But gosh darn it, I’ve felt so alone recently. I see lots of moms having spa days, going to the gym, traveling alone, and doing all kinds of things for them. I just sit and wonder HOW. How do I get passed the extreme amount of mom guilt and leave?

3 Responses to I don’t know what “self-care” is

  1. Avatar
    Del November 8, 2019 at 5:00 pm #

    Your inability to trust someone else with your kids has to do perhaps with something unresolved within you…The thing is…we as humans are not wired to do it alone, we create our own community our own tribes that help us in connecting, feeling present, helping, eating, entertaining…all things that we need OUTSIDE of ourselves. Im a single mom…i keep only powerful women around me that have helped lift my spirit when it’s down, and I’m so grateful for my community i have created. Remember your tribe doesn’t have to be family YOU CHOOSE who you want around you…that YOU trust. Also ONE hour minimum a day is the least you need for self care and it cant involve electronics/including phone. It can be either a book, walk, bath, meditation…has to be interrupted. Those are the things that will “fill up ur cup” goodluck!

  2. Avatar
    Jessica (::) January 9, 2020 at 9:18 am #

    I also never want to leave my daughter, so much that I suffer mentally and emotionally from lack of self care. I am a stay at home mom and my husband has a great work schedule so he is able to help at home alot, but I would never let a random stranger in my home to care for the most important part of my life. We don’t have much family to help regularly but sometimes we get visitors and are able to go out just the two of us. At this point my “mom” time is grocery shopping alone or asking my husband to occupy the kiddo long enough so I can take a good bath. I don’t think you need grand activities like traveling if you don’t want to, but being able to take 30-60 minutes to sit by yourself, read, bathe, walk, etc. It’s all in the little things. Not wanting to leave your kids makes you a super special mom and they are super lucky to have you.

    • ashleylessard
      ashleylessard March 2, 2020 at 10:21 am #

      You are so so sweet Jessica! Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts!! Makes us feel less alone, when someone feels the same way! <3

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