Growing up, I have always been “that girl” who managed her days by the hour. The one who organized her books alphabetically, who genuinely loved creating and managing to-do lists and could not physically relax in a room until it was sparkly, clean and tidy. So when I first found out I was pregnant, I naturally thought my pregnancy and motherhood would morph into my OCD lifestyle and go exactly as I would plan for it–how naive was I?!
Pregnancy
You see these cute photos of pregnant women and hear others explain how ‘magical’ pregnancy is. I recalled my old dietetics textbooks that noted healthy weight gain trends, what to eat and when, and how to exercise. I was so confident that I’d adhere to all of this in my pregnancy journey. Flash forward to ~12 weeks pregnant: I was already using a hair tie to keep my jeans closed (how could I possibly have gained so much weight already?), I had no energy or desire to walk up the steps, let alone work out for an hour, and the only foods that didn’t make me feel nauseous were boxed mac and cheese and sour candy belts. “This isn’t how its supposed to go!!” I thought to myself. So I tried harder to keep the control, to stick to my usual work out schedule and eat the nutritious meal plans I built for myself. It didn’t matter though, my one hour blood glucose test for GD, that I knew I’d pass, ended up being high and I had to go back for the 3-hour test (which thankfully ended up being normal but, still!) I made efforts to fight my cravings and eat balanced, so how could I have lost control to my own blood sugar? … And this was the theme for the rest of pregnancy journey. Whenever I thought things would go one way, it went the other.. I felt like I lost complete control of my body and my pregnancy journey and it drove me NUTS!
Newborn
Another flash forward to when my son was born and I officially became a mom. Again, I did tons of research and knew how I wanted things to go, for example, I was going to breastfeed. He latched the first day and never latched after that. I had lactation support and it just was not working (and was super painful). I wanted it so badly to work because as per the doctors and nurses kept saying, “breastfeeding is the best for your baby.” I was so stressed. Stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed. With the push from my supportive husband, he helped me realize that it’s okay if this isn’t the route we go and there are many other options to feed our son that will be just as effective. Again, defeat. We ended up feeding him formula until my milk fully came in and I pumped exclusively for 6 months.. this was the compromise to myself and wow, talk about working around the clock, beyond caring for a baby. (But maybe that’s for another blog post).
Present Day
I don’t think I need to explain the daily chaos that occurs now, you moms get it! Regardless if you’re a mom of one or five, I think it’s safe to say we can all relate. We’ve all been relieved to go out to eat with the family (finally, some civilization!) but the released stress of not cooking is replaced with trying everything to entertain your toddler from crying hysterically, to waiting to put all the toys away once the kids are sleeping only for all of the toys to come back out the next morning, and then tripping on them throughout the house! Ha- I’m actually “lol-ing” as I write this because this is now my life every day. At first my Type A personality felt totally defeated but the number one advice I’d get from other parents is that it all goes by way too fast. And they’re right. As much as I love order, I love my sweet son more and I don’t want to miss a minute of it because my controlling-self wants a tidy house. So for now, I’ll embrace the mess! I’ll embrace the crazy days, long nights, and little sleep because my little one isn’t going to be little forever… (insert crying emoji here!)
