Friendships are a two way street. Let’s read that again. Friendships are a two way street. For the people in the back, friendships are a two way street.
This is something that I have had to learn the hard way time and time again. I am the person that is very loyal to my friends and always shows up for them. I text, call, and reach out all the time. If you invite me to your party and I say I am going to come, I come. If you want to grab lunch, I make it happen. I rarely, cancel my plans and commitments I have made. But something I have come to realize is how the people I am trying to invest my time into are not reciprocating the energy I put in, back.
I use to let it affect me deeply. What is wrong with me? Why aren’t my friends texting me and asking me how my day is or asking if we could hang out. Why is it that my friends don’t seem to care if I am doing well or know anything about what I am going through.
Now you don’t have to preach to me, life is busy. I am one thousand percent with you on that, life is busy. My life is busy. I have a million and one things to do and not enough time to do them all. But I always find time to make time for my people. To send a quick text saying “hello, thinking of you, how are you”. To show up for my friends when they need me. To grab a wine, coffee, or embark on a girl’s night. I make my friendships a priority.
I have learned, for the people who aren’t willing to reciprocate and match my commitment to our friendship, that they don’t deserve my time. This allows for better friendships to blossom or new friendships to come along. Why waste time in someone who isn’t willing to put forth effort. I get it, this sounds a little cold-hearted, but trust me when I say, there are better people out there to invest your energy into.
Friendships are a two way street and both people should put the same equal time and effort into the friendship as the other. True friends are those that come into your life and don’t leave your side, no matter the distance or how busy life gets. Friends make time for friendships.
I show up because without my friendships I would be miserable. My tribe means the world to me. I pour and give to them without hesitation. That is how friendships should be.
Now let me be clear, doing nice things for my friends is not so that I can just get something in return. That is not the end game here either. Friendships should be genuinely real. Friends should be selfless in their acts, you are a good friend because you truly want to be.
Let’s get real here for a second. If you are reading this and feeling a bit guilty because you think you might be that friend, the one that cancels on your plans to meet up, is always waiting for your friends to text you, but doesn’t go out of your way to reach out, or haven’t made any plans to hang out with your friends in quite some time, I am calling you out. Reach out, text, call, FaceTime, get on Marco Polo, slide into the DMs, do whatever you need to do to make sure that your friends that are putting forth effort in your life, you are repaying it tenfold to them.
To the people that read this and could relate all to well to being that friend that gives and gives to your tribe and gets nothing in return. You are gold baby! Keep doing your thang. Your people will come, your tribe will emerge and the friends that appreciate you will stick around. But guess what? It is okay, to break-up with a friend that doesn’t make you feel good or share the friendship equally with you. It is okay to allow for real friendships to cultivate instead.
The bottom line is be a good friend. Be the friend you hope to have as friend. Be the friend that inspires others to be better and do better. Just simple be a friend.