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Dear Son, I’m Sorry…

To my unborn baby boy,

Though it feels strange to apologize to you before you are even earth side, I feel the need to say I am sorry. As my fourth and final baby and first and only boy, you are probably already feeling the intense emotion your upcoming arrival brings me. Both confident and anxious, excited and scared, and incredibly joyous, but also cautious, I don’t remember the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy being as significant with your sisters. Perhaps a result of my age or maybe the history that comes before you, I am sorry, my sweet boy, for any of the low points in this trip we are on together. I promise you they only come because of a deep love and sense of protection I feel for you already.

On behalf of Daddy and me, I am sorry for the learning curve we will have after you are born. We got really good at girls. We know them well. You bring us uncharted waters. Fortunately, we have a tribe of support who will help guide our way. They love you as much as we do and will ensure you aren’t bathed in a pink sparkle tub or dressed in animal print…at least not consistently.

I am sorry in advance for how much your sisters are going to love and obsess over you. They have wanted and waited for you a long time. They may fight for your time, attention, affection. Each one will foster a different relationship with you, each one likely thinking theirs is best. Which brings me to my next apology…

I am sorry for the extra mothering you will receive in the coming years. Having three older sisters will be a blessing and a curse, especially when you get to high school. It comes from a good place. We will do our best to give you space to make your own mistakes and find your own path.

I am sorry to your future significant others. We will welcome them with open arms, but I can’t promise that we won’t selfishly want to keep you for ourselves.

I am sorry if you get called mama’s boy. Well, more like sorry not sorry on this one. I already cherish the mother/son relationship I wasn’t sure I would get to experience. I know our bond will be a strong one and hopefully you will be proud of that the same way I know I will be.  

Most of all, I am sorry we didn’t get to bring you into our family sooner. You are the piece that will complete us and even though we haven’t met you yet, you just seem fit so well already. There is a story that got us right here, to this point, waiting for your arrival and we will share with you someday. Until then, son, I am sorry for the ride but definitely not sorry for the journey.

All my love,

Mama

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2 Responses to Dear Son, I’m Sorry…

  1. Caroline Rafert
    Caroline Rafert March 9, 2020 at 9:13 am #

    Love love love this. This is such a beautiful letter to your new little man!

  2. Avatar
    Mary Solarte March 9, 2020 at 11:56 am #

    This had me in tears! You will love the bond you share with your little boy! I can’t wait to meet him!!

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