Dear Patience, Are You There? It’s Me, Mommy

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A Mom's Struggle to Find Patience | East Valley Moms Blog

Disclaimer: If you are looking for ’10 tips to a more patient you’ or ‘how motherhood made me a more easy-going person in 5 simple ways’ – this blog post is not for you. If however, you are just a mom, staring at her kids, deep breathing while trying to keep it together as they openly do the exact opposite of what you just asked them to do, well, come sit next to me.

I have never been a patient person. Probably ever. I have gotten (marginally) better as I have gotten older but I am a far cry from sainthood in this regard. One of my greatest fears in becoming a mother was actually my lack of patience. What if motherhood didn’t help me with this personality trait? What if it magnified it? 

After my oldest was born, I was pleasantly surprised that my patience seemed to increase. Yes, I still had moments of frustration, but they were manageable. I still wouldn’t have put myself in the ‘excels at patience’ category but I wasn’t a total spaz either. Then she became a toddler. We had another baby. Then another one a few years later, and over time, that glimmer of patience disappeared as if into thin air.

Being totally real, it has gotten more challenging to mask my lack of patience as of late. Be it that my kids are older and I somehow feel they should “know better” or that our crazy schedule as a family of five puts me in a constant state of go mode, that deep breathing I mentioned earlier happens more times than I care to admit most days. I struggle with this. Because my kids are just that…kids. Yes, 6 is old enough to listen to and execute directions but does she really feel invested in MY timeline for our nightly bedtime routine? Particularly when it usually seems that the agenda supports my desire for an easy night with limited spontaneity for fun?

I would love to tell you I have found a magic solution for this but I haven’t. I have good days where I have gotten relatively sufficient sleep, mitigated stress at work, and created space in our day for flexibility. I consider those my “fun mommy” days. Then I have not so good days – days where I feel like all I do is ask them to move faster, stop messing around, stop yelling, stop making a mess…basically stop being the funny, inquisitive, spirited children they are. Those are the days that I sit in my room after they are asleep and just lean into my mom guilt for a little while – almost like self-punishment for letting my impatience get the best of me yet again. But all I can do is keep trying every day to find those moments of grace. To breathe through the frustration. To allow myself to be present versus trying to get to the next step of my day. I encourage you to do the same. Sometimes we can’t fight who we are but we can try to work towards who we want to be and as long as fun mommy comes out more than her alter ego, I will consider that a win.

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