Hi, my name is Kristen and I am a mom to a strong willed toddler. She is my own personal Sour Patch kid, and don’t get me wrong, I know it’ll be a strength someday…BUT, let’s just say we have our moments. Sometimes these moments last days or even weeks, and sometimes they are over just as fast as they started. Sometimes after a day of these “moments” I find myself in bed, completely exhausted and wishing for a “redo” on my day.
Typically it happens like this. I’ve just gotten into bed and already start to overanalyze my day. It’s like I have a running point total going in my head for parenting…earning points for all of my parenting “wins” and taking hits on all the things I did wrong. Then it starts, the guilt is real and washes me over me, making it really hard to enjoy binge-watching the current Real Housewives series. Then, I start running some sort of replay in my head of what I could’ve done better, how I should’ve just walked away instead of raising my voice, how I should’ve left the house 10 minutes sooner, or how I just plain overreacted. (TRUTH: Once I even fake called the police and told her she would have to go to jail if she didn’t start listening.) Please don’t judge me, just being honest. I’m not proud of it, but will I ever do it again? Well, maybe because it did work.
These are the nights I find myself sneaking back into my daughters room. Sometimes I just need to give her a quick kiss or cuddle and it just gives me a little more peace before I go to bed. They look so innocent in the glow of their night light, geez, it makes me feel like a monster for even being frustrated with such a sweet little thing. Other times when I sneak in, she’s still awake and I lay down next to her. We talk quick about our day, why we were frustrated, sometime an apology is owed, either by her or me. Then we ask for forgiveness. This act of forgiveness is like a magic wand that makes us both feel so much better. Hearing their little voice say “I forgive you” and “I love you” just has to be one of my favorite things.
Quick Background:
This stems from something we had to do growing up. Whenever we fought with my siblings, we would always have to apologize AND ask for forgiveness. And there were specific rules we needed to follow to make it legitimate.
1.You had to speak in a kind voice
2. You had to look at them in their eyes
3. To seal the deal, you had to “hug it out”
Cheesy, right? Looking back, I remember hating it, like I could barely muster out the words, but I do remember the sense of relief when they agreed to forgive me. It’s one of those things I despised as a child, but looking back as a parent, I see the good in it.
I am always surprised how quick my daughter is to forgive me, she let’s it go like it never even happened. A lesson learned from Elsa? Who knows, but it is a lesson I am still learning to do for myself. There is no grudge or guilt trip the next day, I’m sure that will come with the teenage years. At the end of the day I know she knows that I love her, I’m trying my best, and I’m not perfect. I like that think that is what makes her so good at forgiving and reminds me that I could learn to give myself just a little more grace too.
It doesn’t matter what stage of motherhood you are in, you may be able to relate. If you’ve successfully survived, I applaud you. In the thick of it? You’ve got company…THIS GIRL! While some days we may feel like your ship is sinking, or not going to survive the storm that you’re in, just remember that you can make it, it will get better, but you need to give yourself some grace. Cue the sigh of relief. Forgive yourself just like our little ones forgive us, and we forgive them.
You’re doing the best you can, you’re parenting in the middle of a pandemic, it isn’t easy and we’re going to have some missteps along the way. Stop giving yourself so much grief, perfection is boring and it’s not going to prepare your kids for the real world. Embrace the chaos, the moments, and the lessons, and take the time to learn what you can from your kids.
