A First-Time Mom’s Intentions vs. Reality

0

From the moment you find out you are pregnant you start planning on how you are going to raise your child and all the different things you will  do with them. For me, and maybe some of you, this happens even before we get pregnant. While growing up and being raised by my mom, I remember thinking, “Oh, I am not going to do that to my child, or I am going to raise my child this way.” While I was pregnant, I was finishing my master’s in child development (convenient, right?). There were many group discussions on spanking vs not spanking, attachment parenting, co-sleeping, and the list goes on. My head was spinning with theories and internal conversations on how I wanted to raise my future child.

As I learned and discussed with my classmates and my baby’s dad, I began to make a mental list of how I wanted to raise him. I had all these great plans and intentions and I thought I was set. I thought I had a firm foundation and parenting platform. I had plans for the first few months and how I was going to help him reach milestones, feeding, diapering, getting him on a sleep schedule, no screen time, holistic approaches, and so much more. Oh man was I a fool! The baby came and IT hit the fan. Everything (it felt like everything) did not go according to my perfectly thought out plans. My baby had a mind and plan of his own. As a first-time mom, you think you need to be overprepared and have everything sorted out…lies. I have learned that sometimes it is best to go with the flow and understand that every child isn’t going to follow the books.

Here are some of my intentions vs. my reality now that I am a year in:

Intention: My baby will be on a sleep schedule by 3 months.

Reality: Ha! This was the biggest joke. We had so much trouble with sleep. He was diagnosed with colic and would cry and scream. He had to sleep at an incline and be swaddled. He would take cat naps and would only sleep if he was held. We even tried a popular sleep training method to get him on a schedule…definitely DID NOT WORK for us (it has worked for friends). It took about 9 months for him to get on a decent schedule.

Intention: I will breastfeed for a year.

Reality: I wanted this one to be a reality so bad. We tried for 6 weeks and it wasn’t good for either of us. He had a lip and tongue tie. We saw a lactation consultant once a week. He could suck and was gaining weight, but his tiny tummy couldn’t tolerate my milk. We ended up having to switch to a hypoallergenic formula. I was heartbroken. How could something I create hurt my baby. I ultimately came to terms with ‘Fed is Best’. Once we switched to formula, he was no longer in pain, my mental health became better. If you aren’t able to breastfeed, it is okay, it does not make you a bad mama.

Intention: My baby will not have screen time.

Reality: I had all intentions to not give my baby screen time. I read all the research on how it can over stimulate them and effect their development. With having a baby with colic, there is only so much to calm them. We found out that when we put on Moana, he was put in a trance. I could get 20 minutes to speed clean or take a shower. I don’t give him screen time all the time, but he has become a fan of certain Disney films.

Intention: I will not give my baby processed foods.

Reality: As much as I attempt to feed him whole foods, the occasional processed foods has entered his mouth. I didn’t do the pureed baby foods, but instead chose to do Baby Led weaning. I gave him what I was eating. He has had chicken nuggets and fries from Chik-fil-a, he has had goldfish and other baby snacks. I don’t beat myself up about it. When he has a snack, I just make sure that he gets extra fresh fruit and veggies to balance out. Not gonna lie, as a single mom, sometimes it is easier to have a premade dinner or pick up some fast food.

Intention: I will use organic and pure baby products.

Reality: I would say this is about 70% true. I wanted to limit the amount of toxins and neuroendocrine disrupters that would be around him. I researched the cleanest diapers and wipes (was not going to do cloth diapers), diaper cream, shampoo, sunblock, etc. I still use that stuff but when I am tight on money, Costco diapers do the trick! I use a clean and plant-based detergent and cleaning supplies. He doesn’t know the difference, but I do haha.

These are just some examples. The point is that no matter what becomes your reality, it does not make you a bad mama or mean that your child won’t grow up healthy and loved. We all want what is best for our babies and to give them the best chance at life. Whether they are formula fed or breastfed, cloth diapers or Costco diapers, they (and YOU) will be ok!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here