A Beginner’s Guide to Letting Go

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A Beginner's Guide to Letting Go

I am terrible at saying no. There are other things I am not terrible at (like saying yes), but when it comes to declining, not volunteering, not accepting, not initiating, I self admittedly have a problem. So much so, I had to commit one entire summer to just saying no to everything in order to come back to some semblance of center. And it was beautiful. But old habits die hard and without this seasonal initiative, I fell right back into my usual routine of expertly adding to my already full plate.

And it isn’t that I don’t have help or people who offer to alleviate me of my many self-imposed to-dos. Most of these things I task myself with are just that – self-inflicted assignments. I can work full time and part time and meal plan and grocery shop, and clean, and volunteer, and pick up and drop off and cook and help and organize…and so and so and so on. I am quite literally stressing myself out just listing off all of these things as I type them. And it is no one’s fault but my own that I feel called to take this all on. And further, it is no one else’s responsibility to relieve me of this pressure. I have to learn to let go of control day by day, one opportunity at a time. And it is hard. Really hard. But every time I create space in my day due to letting something go, I vow to keep the momentum going.

So if you too struggle to give yourself space to breathe and not feel like you are constantly under the thumb of a never ending to-do list, here is my guide for letting go – (humble beginner’s edition):

  1. Plan out your week the weekend prior and don’t add anything to it once the plan is in place. What can you move to a different week? What has to be done? Start there and then keep your schedule as it is. No exceptions unless it brings you added joy. Bonus points for removing things.
  2. Order groceries. Whether you have them delivered via Insta Cart or pick them up a la Click List, grocery shopping is time consuming and generally not very pleasant particularly when children are involved. This is quite literally one of the best things I have ever done for myself (so dramatic) and saves me an immense amount of time that I can use for other things (like doing nothing instead).
  3. Get help with your house. Yes, I understand this is a privilege that comes with a cost. It is not conceivable for everyone to budget for a cleaning service. But I am willing to sacrifice a lot of things to have help deep cleaning my house twice a month. And the extra time I have to spend with my kids not doing a chore on the weekends after a long work week is definitely more valuable than trips to Starbucks or eating out.
  4. Learn to say “that isn’t a priority for me right now”. I harbor a lot of guilt when I say no – even more when I say no because I don’t have time. And that is because it makes me feel like I should have time or find the time. Just rephrasing “I don’t have time” to “that isn’t a priority right now” helps free up the guilt.
  5. Be spontaneous once in a while. Full disclosure, I still plan my spontaneity to a certain extent but baby steps. Ex: taking the kids to a movie on a school night. Doing these kinds of things reminds me A) the world does not end when you don’t do things according to plan B) life is meant to be enjoyed.

I am a work in progress. I don’t know if it is in my DNA to ever be considered “laid back” but I definitely don’t want to be remembered as the mom who ran around like her hair was on fire. Join me, moms. Make like Elsa and let it go.

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