This is my son Asher and I. My first born, train loving, car obsessed, funny, sweet, and strong boy.
When I became a mom to my 7lb 15 oz baby boy, I began planning our lives together. I imagined all the things I would teach him, how he would always be obedient and easy (because according to our parents, my husband and I were) and for a while there, it almost looked like my idealistic interpretation of motherhood might come true.
Of course, as a mother of now three I realize how naive I was because no child is 100% obedient and easy, and frankly, I’m glad it’s not that way.
My son, Asher, is now 3 and half years old, and about a year ago all the plans I had made in my mind had either already come crashing down, (apparently I can only teach other children, my own are less than compliant) or was about to join the already mangled heap on the ground.
A year ago, we realized Asher was not like his peers. He was more temperamental than others, he had a hard time separating from me and his dad, he needed the same routine daily, and at my mother’s prompting, I began to question if he was speech delayed. His three year check-up came and I brought up all my concerns and the doctor came back with an answer I had honestly feared, “I think your son has autism.”
I left that appointment feeling a failure and sobbed all the way home.
Since then, its been a whirlwind of evaluations, therapies, diagnoses, and questions. We went from being a typical family to becoming atypical, which I have learned, is more than OK.
Autism didn’t change that my son, is a happy, smart, funny and beautiful little boy. He is extremely affectionate and loving. Asher has a love for cars, trains, and planes that is unsurpassed. My goofy boy makes jokes and knows exactly how to get a reaction out of the people he knows best. My Bubba loves to help his mommy, his daddy is his hero, little brother is his best friend, and is protector to his sister.
However, Autism transformed me into a better mom.
I quit forcing my ideals and my plans on my children and am more patient. No longer do I fret over the little things, and I am learning to embrace the chaos that is my life. I give myself a little more grace and when I feel I’ve failed, I do better the next time. I’ve learned to celebrate the milestones so much more because I waited so much longer to see them. Every hug and the rare kiss I receive from Asher are treasured. I soak in the snuggle sessions that are too few and far between.
Autism made me a better friend to other moms.
I listen better. I try to give the mom with the kid screaming in Target the benefit of the doubt. You better believe, I am the last person to give the side eye, because I usually am that mom. I am the shoulder to cry on when things are hard. I need that, we all need that.
April is Autism Awareness Month. I encourage moms of all types to find out more about autism, do your research, because more than likely someone you know will deal or is dealing with the diagnosis of a Autism Spectrum Disorder. 1 in 68 children in America have a diagnosis of Autism and it can be hard to know what to do if you or someone you know has a child diagnosed or where to begin if you have concerns. So here is some of what I have learned.
Act Early.
Keep track of those milestones. While it is so important to remember that each child is different and learns at their own pace, make sure your child is hitting the appropriate milestones. The earlier you notice something is off, the better for your child. SARRC is a local Autism awareness and resource center that has some great information on what to look for here: What is Autism?
Speak up!
IF you do feel your child isn’t developing on track, make sure to let your doctor know. They should be able to begin a screening process for you. Then, refer you to specialists or to AZEIP (Arizona Early Intervention) if needed. AZEIP provides evaluations and therapies at no cost, for children ages 0-3, after age 3 you can use the school district for evaluations as well as look into Preschool for your child.
Be the advocate
You are your child’s best advocate. If your doctor isn’t listening, find one who will listen. You need someone who can be on board with you. One who is willing to help you when you run into snags with the insurance company (which you probably will). Look into whether or not your child would benefit from Arizona Long Term Care (ALTCS). This state funded insurance helps provide your child with the services they’ll need to become successful. Just be ready to call them repeatedly after applying to make sure everything is moving along.
Be a friend
Maybe your child isn’t 1 of 68, but your friend, sister, or coworker has a child who is that one. Be their friend. It’s ok if you don’t know what to say, or what to do, they probably don’t either. I am blessed with friends and family members who support me. They listen to my complaints, fears, and tears, and still invite me and my children to places. Autism can be so lonely for so many families and what they really need is someone in their corner to cheer them on.
Light it up Blue!
April 2nd is National Autism Awareness day where we light it up blue to raise awareness about Autism and the related spectrum disorders. You can find more information here.
You can follow along in my family’s journey through autism and raising three children under three here.
