Mother’s Day is around the corner, and I cannot wait. I love Mother’s Day because for one day, we all celebrate one another. Women I don’t even know tell me to have a happy Mother’s Day, and I return their good wishes with gratitude. We smile knowingly at one another-this is our day! It is a breath of fresh air, this unconditional celebration of our choice to raise people and watch our hearts walk around outside of our bodies. I personally feel a part of a great sisterhood on Mother’s Day. We are all in this together, we exchange words of congratulations and compliment the women in our lives, thank them for their tremendous impact.
I work as a doula, and I often tell people that in my line of work, I not only see babies come into the world, I also watch mothers be born. Women are eternally changed in that one moment. Moms who foster or adopt nestle their children in their hearts until the moment they physically meet. Whether it is a naked squirming baby being placed on your chest, or locking eyes with the child you chose to love for the remainder of your existence, that moment is transformational. You are no longer your own. There is a part of you, separate from you, for you to hold and then let go, for you to love unconditionally while also properly shaping them into adulthood. It is beautiful and it is terrifying.
The understanding of this shared beauty and terror is evident in the way we treat each other on Mother’s Day. It is similar to the way we teach our children to view the world-differences are celebrated and respected. We lay down our armor and say, “Of course we are all unique! Thank goodness, we are all special in our own way.” We see each other. We love each other. We wrap our hands around the common thread that bonds us to one another and marvel at how connected we truly are. The ‘mommy wars’, the battles over the smallest of parenting choices-all of this is put on hold for this holiday.
My love of Mother’s Day is countered by the disappointment that we don’t learn from the beauty of the holiday and carry it through the rest of the year. My wish is that we would decide to mother one another, in the sense that we encourage individual choices and experiences, all while opening ourselves up to give and receive love. What an honor it is to be someone else’s soft place when every place else seems so hard! We give this freely to our kids, and some days, we need it ourselves. For example, really think about what you say when responding to a simple parenting question on social media- examine how your response and wording may impact the reader. Will your words help or hurt? Are you filling someone’s bucket, or taking from it? These are concepts taught in grade school that we impress upon our children, yet toss to the side when handling vulnerable mothers who are looking for a light in the darkness and simple words of encouragement.
Perhaps this Mother’s Day will be different. Maybe we will start to take the time daily to recognize that every day should be Mother’s Day, in the sense that we ARE all in this together, and that connection we feel on one day in May is with us everywhere, all of the time, if we acknowledge and nurture it. Grab on to the common thread in the women who surround you, and be their soft place. Mother the mothers, and watch the ripple effect. When we build up great women, we build up great children.
Carly Ceccarelli is a doula and placenta encapsulation specialist at East Valley Birth Services in Chandler, AZ. You can find her on Facebook at ww.facebook.com/carlydoula, and follow her on Twitter @doulacarly. Her list of services can be found at www.eastvalleybirthservices.com, and she is offering exclusive discounts to East Valley Mom Blog readers on services booked before June 30, 2015.
