Female Friendship — a lesson all little girls should learn

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My daughter has recently started to navigate the challenging and emotional world of female friends. What used to be an easy task of finding and maintaining said friends with hand holding, hugs and giggles, has spiraled into a frenzy of “well she said…well she didn’t let me…” nonsense. I say nonsense because even though it tugs at their heartstrings when a friend leaves them out or makes a rude comment to them, it is only a small prelude to what’s to come and she will need to know how to handle it.

I realized something last week when Sawyer was battling a situation in which two friends who she values very much weren’t wanting to play together, therefor arguing over who she could play with and stressing her out — that before advising her on the situation, I needed to put my own friendships in perspective to give her a truthful and non hypocritical assessment.

I have good friends. Most of the time they make me smile, support my goals and nurture my feelings. Sawyer knows this and has seen it firsthand. However I have a nasty little habit of holding onto friendships that are damaging. They once were good friendships, but over time they have dissipated into unhealthy and sometimes hurtful relationships that I should back away from to maintain my happiness. I have explained to Sawyer that toxic relationships exist at all ages. Sometimes they aren’t blatant, they become that way over months or years. I of course gave her the “8 year old cliff’s notes” version of this logic by letting Sawyer know that the bottom line is that when a friendship is consistently making you sad or question your own self worth, that person is the one UNworthy of a continued rapport. And equally, if she is ever the one to cause pain to someone else, they will back away from her too. That is why is it essential to watch your words and actions –both can hurt and both may be forgiven but not forgotten. After all, my daughter is far from perfect and definitely has been sucked into “playing the game” when it comes to cliquish behavior. But she does struggle with it afterwards and her empathetic outlook gives me hope that she won’t follow down a path of ridicule or isolating others.

Managing friendships is tricky and I want to start encouraging Sawyer to ask herself if she is making smart choices with whom she surrounds herself with. Lately there are some people in my life causing me unrest and I don’t want to see her suffer the same. My daughter is a loyal friend who deserves that as well and there are always new people out there to meet, new bonds to form — it isn’t too late to start over with friendships and only continue to nourish the ones that are solid and, most importantly, mutual. I look forward to going into the new year with the ability to tell my daughter and SHOW my daughter how healthy friendships work. It’s hard being a girl at any age, and I want her to know that while I will always be her best friend and shoulder to lean on, it’s equally important for her to find friends who will be an extension of that.

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