As I lay here in bed at 3am feeding my newborn, I stare at what feels like perfection. This beautiful little human that God graciously gave me. How did I get so lucky? I sit here and imagine you holding me when I was born. I imagine your face in the hospital when they said “It’s a girl!” I imagine your body and the pain you went through those first few weeks of bringing me home. I imagine you looking down at my little face and studying each little facial feature. Loving me so incredibly much.
you getting up at 1am, 2am, 3am… all of those restless, sleepless nights putting your mind and body in pure exhaustion the next day. I imagine you crying because you’re so damn tired and you don’t know how your body is going to heal from the pain it just went through giving birth. I imagine this because I’m going through the same thing. Thank you Mom.
I imagine you sitting on your bed holding me. Feeling overwhelmed, like the world is on your shoulders. Wondering how you’re supposed to keep this beautiful human alive when you’re so exhausted? And feeling guilty that you feel this way. I imagine this because this is how I’ve felt too. And it hurts. It hurts really bad Mom.
I also imagine you smiling when I took my first step. The laughs, the giggles, the pure joy and happiness when I started crawling, walking, talking. You’re my number one cheerleader Mom. You always have been.
I never knew…
you cried when I was little. I never knew the pain you went through when I was born. I never knew about the overwhelming sadness that overtook you when you raised me but I didn’t need to know about those moments when I was young. I needed to experience those moments myself as I became a Mom. Those are the moments that make us strong.
I imagine your strength as I now am a Mom. A strength that only a Mom could know. And I wish I could tell you back then how much you were appreciated. How much it meant for you to give me everything I needed, no matter how mentally and physically exhausted you were. You are strong Mom. I am strong too.
your strength helps gets me through these moments of being a new Mom again. I thank you at 3am when I’m exhausted and getting ready to breastfeed again… even though I just breastfed less than an hour ago. I thank you at 6am when I need to go to the bathroom… and I’m dreading the pain that I’m about to endure. How did you do it Mom?
I thank you Mom. I thank you as my body starts to heal. I thank you as my children start sleeping through the night. I thank you for your strength. Your persistence. Your never ending love in these challenging moments. You help me dig deep for the strength I need through these tough times. Today Mom. Today I thank you. Tomorrow I thank you. And someday Mom, my daughter will thank me. And I will tell her, to thank you.
Happy Mother’s Day